Skies Are Grey

Haven't been posted for awhile cause I was busy and everytime when I sit down and thought of leave some thoughts here, I got stucked. A lot of things in my mind but don't know where to start.

Last semester of university and I should have work hard but I didn't. I was disturbed. I hate seeing graduation photos of my friend cause it will remind me how useless I am. I supposed to have my convocation in this coming Saturday. It supposed to be, but I have to extend one more semester. It does matter, a lot. I supposed to be very excited about it, I always thrilled when I think of my graduation ceremony until I knew that I have to wait for nine months even after I completed my studies by end of this year cause my university only hold graduation ceremony once a year. I have been planning what to wear, what flower I would want, and all the little details about convocation. How disappointing.

And I am determine to get out from this damn country. Fuck Muslims in Malaysia, they are pigs! Oh by the way, we just had out 51st Anniversary Independent Day.

Mommy is throwing temper on me after she knew that I want to leave home again. She doesn't know it was my dream and I have been always wanted to leave. If she knows, probably she will went nuts. All I can say is I am sorry for being selfish.

Already started applying jobs. William offered to help me in getting a job in Singapore and I know the chances are quite high. However, I will still apply to Malaysia's banks and financial institutions. If I don't get any news from here, it implies that I am destined to leave and I am looking forward to leave this damn place.

Some people are really nice but some are bastards. If they are not willing to help, just shut up and get lost, please do not rub salt on my wounds, I had have enough of it! But I will thank them for being a motivation to me, a force that drives me to strive and become a better person.

Being emotional lately cause I miss him out of sudden when I thought I was moving on pretty good, all because I had a weird dream that night and it is September!!! I hate September!!!

Why do people look at me with you-are-weird-look after they knew that I am still single. Is that really that big deal if I am not attach to anyone? I am not weirdo, it just that it always happen that the one I love doesn't love me. I am unlucky and unloved, maybe I am doomed to be lonely, so don't look at me as though I am a dinasour.

I am confidence on myself most of the time but not in front of him. I always wonder where the hell has been gone wrong. I never have the answer but I always think that the problem lied on me, I am not good enough for him, he deserves someone better. It hurts a lot when I think about it but I never once mad at him, not even a second. I am no saint but I just couldn't hate him. I sincerely hoped that he could find someone that will love him whole-hearted as he would, I want him to be happy and healthy for ever.

Enough of ranting, I should probably get back to my works. Happy holidays peeps!